


i'm afraid of the life that i have made

by QuietLittleVoices



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Friendship, Gen, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 19:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietLittleVoices/pseuds/QuietLittleVoices
Summary: Sometimes being supportive means different things.





	i'm afraid of the life that i have made

**Author's Note:**

> Alternately titled: "Ben 'Gay Ally' Arnold"

Sammy had been staying with Ben in the week following the incident in Perdition Woods when he found himself standing in front of the closed fridge, staring at a magnet. It was small, about two inches long and vaguely rectangular though it was stylized to look like a flag in a breeze. It was also rainbow.

Ben walked into the kitchen and saw him staring. “You like it?” he asked. “Emily got them for a library event next month and gave one to me.”

Sammy looked away from it and opened the fridge. “It’s fine. If you had anything to put on your fridge with it.”

It wasn’t the first rainbow flag that Ben had brought around, though it was the first that Sammy had spotted in his apartment. A few days after Ben had found out about Jack, he had hung a Pride flag in their office that Sammy had immediately taken down and put up in Ben’s storage room.

“You don’t need to-” Sammy made a vague gesture towards the magnet as he closed the door again, busying himself with making cereal. “Do that,” he finished lamely. 

Ben gave him a confused look which Sammy tried to ignore. “Do what?”

“That,” Sammy repeated gesturing behind himself in what he hoped was the general direction of the magnet. 

“Oh.” Ben paused. “It isn’t-” he stopped again, thinking through what he wanted to say. 

“It’s fine,” Sammy interrupted. He turned to Ben and gave him a reassuring smile. “Forget I said anything.”

Ben just nodded, giving Sammy a look that he couldn’t fully decipher. “Okay. If you say so.”

Sammy nodded jerkily and took his bowl to the other room to avoid any path that conversation could potentially go down. 

 

When Sammy walked in on Ben crying in the living room, he was immediately on guard for a threat. When there didn’t seem to be anything, he settled for going to sit with Ben. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

Ben immediately whipped his tears away and shook himself a little, looking slightly embarrassed. “I’m just, uh -” he gestured to the TV “-watching  _ Queer Eye _ .”

Sammy looked at the TV and saw an older man walking around a car show with a woman. “Okay?”

“It’s a really sweet show!” Ben said, immediately defensive. “Emily told me about it.”

“Why are you watching an early 2000s make-ove show, anyway?” Sammy asked. 

“It’s more than make-over show, and this is a reboot. The second season came out a few days ago.”

“Isn’t the premise just five gay guys making over a straight guy? It’s in the name.”

Ben sighed and stopped Netflix from automatically streaming the next episode. “Sort of, but it’s not just about - looks and stuff. It’s about breaking down toxic masculinity and showing the subjects it’s okay to take care of themselves!”

“So… a make-over show,” Sammy replied flatly. 

“Just watch the next episode with me, alright? You’ll understand then.” Ben clicked on the show again and started the second episode playing. 

Ben cried easily. This was something that Sammy had found out pretty early on in their friendship, so the fact that he started to cry at least once during every episode of  _ Queer Eye _ wasn’t too surprising. What Sammy was surprised by was that he felt… invested during the episode where they worked with a gay man. He wouldn’t say he  _ cried _ but his eyes were slightly misted by the end.

“See what I mean?” Ben asked, obviously proud of himself despite the fact that he had been crying only minutes before. “More than a make-over show.”

Sammy sighed. “I guess you win this one, then.”

 

“Ron invited us to a thing in Red Lake next week,” Ben said conversationally, and Sammy felt that he knew Ben well enough to notice the overly-casual nature of the comment. “Did you wanna go?”

Sammyy leaned back in his chair, wondering why it was that Ben was at all hesitant to ask. “What’s the event? And does he want  _ us _ to go, or King Falls AM?”

“Us,” Ben answered quickly. “It’s, well… It’s a meet-up?”

Sammy raised an eyebrow. “What type of meet-up?”

Ben said something quickly and under his breath. 

“You’re gonna have to repeat that, buddy.”

“It’s officially a Pride Month kick-off brunch, but I wasn’t sure you’d come if I said that,” Ben admitted.

“Sure.”

“Only a few people from King Falls will be there,” Ben said quickly. “I think it’s just Dwayne, Kirk, and Archie. Maybe Janice, and Ron, obviously, since he invited us. It apparently isn’t very big but everyone else is from other places.”

“Dude, I said I’d go,” Sammy said with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. He tried to push down the acidic taste at the back of his throat that he got whenever he thought about being tangentially correlated with anything ‘gay’ - because people knew. People knew and loved him. Ben knew; Ron, all the people who would be there - they all knew. It didn’t help the momentary panic but he swallowed it. 

Ben grinned widely. “Awesome. I can pick you up for it and we can carpool - Emily is coming, too.”

Sammy nodded. He appreciated the effort Ben put into - well, into everything. It just sometimes felt like a little much. “Sounds fun.”

 

The book was on the coffee table when Sammy got back from buying groceries. He’d only recently been allowed out of Ben’s sight, and even then Emily had gone with him because his car had gotten fried from the rainbow lights and he hadn’t gotten around to getting a new battery.

Sammy picked up the copy of  _ The Gay Revolution _ and flipped it over.

“How did groceries go?” Ben asked, walking into the living room.

Sammy shrugged. “Got everything you asked for.” He wrinkled his nose and gave Ben a look. “I don’t know how you eat those sugary cereals but I got them anyway. Are you sure you aren’t actually twelve?”

Ben rolled his eyes and threw the apple core he had at Sammy, who let it bounce off him and fall to the floor. “Fuck you, man. At least I don’t eat your cardboard flakes.”

“I don’t even eat cereal,” Sammy replied.

Ben sighed and went to pick up the apple core again. “Yeah. You eat whole wheat toast with butter and nothing else. Please at least use jam one day? Or a single plum?”

“At least I don’t get cavities at thirty.”

Ben tossed the apple core in the waste basket like it was a basketball, hitting the wall before it went in and leaving a small spot that Sammy knew he would clean within the hour because it would start bothering him. “Did you want to borrow that, by the way?” Ben asked, nodding towards the book.

Sammy looked back at his hands, having forgotten that he was even holding something. “No. Just looking. Why do you have this?”

“I got it from the library. It’s pretty interesting.”

Sammy put the book down. “Maybe I’ll take it out later,” he said, with no intention of doing it. He took a last look at the rainbow on the cover and took the grocery bags into the kitchen.

 

The flag that Sammy had put in Ben’s storage room/office was hanging up behind the living room couch.

“You don’t have to do this,” was the first thing Sammy said.

Ben froze where he was and looked at him. “Doing what?”

Sammy gestured towards the flag. “Being… overly supportive,” he said finally, and couldn’t keep back the cringe that came with how bad that sounded. Ben being supportive in any way was much better than the alternative, and yet-

“Oh,” Ben said. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Do you not… like it? Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Sammy shrugged and he knew that his expression was one of total confusion with himself and the situation. “Sort of?’ Ben still looked confused so Sammy sighed, knowing he would have to actually express himself. “I know you… support me, but it kind of feels like you have something to prove. And you don’t - you were great, have been great. But I don’t need you to be all - flag waving.”

Ben nodded slowly, listening intently as Sammy spoke. “I know,” he said. “If you want me to stop with whatever, just tell me, because I don’t want you to be uncomfortable here. The opposite of that, actually, is what I want. I just want you to know that I love you - and that I’m not trying to forget important parts of you to do that.”

“I appreciate that - I do,” Sammy added quickly when Ben looked a little disbelieving. “It’s just that I never… there was never anyone in my life before who would enjoy a gay make-over show or read gay history, even if they  _ had _ known.” He didn’t say that Jack would have, did sometimes read history books at least, because that was a different relationship and likely went without saying. 

Ben came over and hugged him. “I figured,” he said into Sammy’s shoulder. “But you do now.”

Sammy brought his arms up to hug Ben back tightly. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know this fic isn't cohesive; I didn't edit it because I'm on a roadtrip and posting this in my grandparents living room in the few minutes I have.
> 
> Please comment if you liked it though!!


End file.
